When everything you ever wanted isn’t everything you thought it would be.
It has been a crazy week, y’all. A crazy, crazy week. The Lord has done so much work in my heart, but I’m finally settled and experiencing this crazy supernatural peace and ready to share what’s up with you.
So yeah, I’m transferring next semester. Yes, I know it’s surprising. No, I’m not having an emotional meltdown. Yes, I’ve had an awesome first semester!
But here’s the thing, I am totally a five-, ten-year plan kind of girl, and I’d had this vision of my life for years: I was going to work and raise my family in an adorable southern area, preferably North Carolina or Tennessee. This of course meant I needed to attend college in the South, so I could make connections, build a community, and eventually intern and get a job here. Doing all of these things would allow the rest of my perfect life plan to fall into place. Basically, I had been waiting to get to place I am in now to be able to start the rest of my life.
What a system shock it was when I realized a month into college in the South that I was 100% a northern girl. It’s not that either the North or South is better; they’re just different. Stepping away, I realized my huge appreciation for the straightforwardness and honesty of people, the messiness, and truthfully, the total battle that is northern Christianity. All the things that often give the North the reputation of being “harsh” or “hard” – I could not love them more. All in all, the North has my heart and is now where I see my future.
As always, I want to form connections and build relationships where I plan to spend the rest of my life. The Lord is doing so much in my home community, and having spent so many years praying for and working towards spiritual breakthrough in the area, I don’t want to miss out on what is just beginning to happen. I want to be an active participant, and there is nothing holding me back.
So on December 13th, I’ll be packing up my things and moving home. I’ll be attending Manchester Community College this next semester, and I plan to eventually transfer to UConn as a commuter. It’s still crazy to hear myself say that. I never could have thought this is what my life would look like – I had a totally different plan, and it was hard to let go of my blueprint, but I am learning a huge lesson in humility and surrender. I know this is the best choice for me right now spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. It may seem abrupt, but the Lord is bringing me into a new level of my relationship with Him. He is doing a new work in my life, and I am choosing to walk in obedience.
It is not wrong to have dreams and visions for your future, but it is wrong when those dreams and visions become your god. I had made an idol out of my life plan. Similar to the Israelites’ desire for a king, I wanted this southern college life more than anything else, and Jesus let me have it. But guess what? It didn’t fulfill me (What a shocker). I guess I knew all of this in my mind, but I was totally deceived by my plan, and I needed to have this experience. I needed to see that the grass isn’t greener. I needed to have my perfect vision of my life crumble before my eyes. I needed to watch and learn that it is Jesus who plans my steps and not me. I have learned so much about myself in these past three months, and I wouldn’t change a thing. While this transfer may be sudden, I promise you, I am so incredibly at peace with it.
All of this goes to say that three months ago, I wanted the traditional college experience so badly, and I got it. Lipscomb has been so much fun. I’ve met incredible people (S/o to my froomie and all my other BFFs) and experienced so many new things (Honestly, bless Cookout milkshakes), but this just isn’t what I want anymore. I want to be closer to my family and chase hard after Jesus. I still want to take classes, work, and be involved in a variety of things, but I want to do all of this in Connecticut instead of Tennessee. It’s been a process, but I’ve finally settled into the truth that walking where the Lord is leading me is much more important than attempting to meet any man-made or self-imposed expectation. I’ve never felt more settled.
Whatever your role is in my life, I am so grateful for you, and I love you!
Thank you for being a part of my journey.