So many times, I have wanted to write personally on this issue. So many times, I have stopped myself.
I publicly acknowledge the presence of this topic in my life. I share related articles and blog posts and plug organizations constantly.
Because I know it’s important to. Because truth and acknowledgment aid in my healing, and they also aid in the healing and awareness of others.
However, anytime I have gone to write my own piece about it, I feel my words are inadequate. There is nothing I can write that fully expresses the weariness, anxiety, and anger that come with dealing with this topic every day.
The self-hatred and the shame.
The confusion and the wordiness and the silence.
Trust me, I know it’s not my fault. But multiple incidents later, it’s hard to feel as though you’re not doing something wrong. It’s hard not to feel at least a little bit like an object.
Sexual trauma has followed me throughout my life, and it lives in my brain. It is a part of me, and in the spirit of full disclosure, I have to spend almost every day reminding myself that it is not all of me.
There is more to me than my experiences. There is a big, bright world in which I can shine a light on this horrible reality, shut down the thoughts telling me I am unworthy in any context, and live honestly with those who understand.
It’s a process, and it’s far from easy, but it’s important, and it’s life-changing.
Sexual abuse and assault are incredibly isolating incidents, and as humans created to live in community with one another, isolation is one of the most dangerous things we can allow a foothold in our lives.
So I want you to walk this process with me.
No qualification, no justification, no questions asked.
If you haven’t been through sexual trauma, this may not make perfect sense to you, and I hope it never does. But this blog post is written for those who have.
Because if you have been through it, you know these feelings.
In whichever way or to whatever extent these incidents have reared their ugly head in your life, you understand what I am saying.
So let’s continue to let our “me too”s echo, and let’s create a supportive network together.
I’m here for you, and I hope you’re here for me.
With all that said,
many of you already know this,
but for those of you who need to hear it: